Tips for Talking to Kids and Teens
Wondering what to say to your children about substance use? When to start?
Your child will learn about substance use long before you would like them to – through TV, music, movies, friends, and social media. Our culture is saturated with substance use. Be sure they hear your voice too. You can counter a lot of misinformation along the way. Despite how overwhelming it may feel, you are your child's strongest influence. With a little thoughtful intention, you can use your influence to help keep them healthy.
Here's a quick guide to make it easier and more effective.
Start early and keep it going
Prevention strategies should start as early as preschool. In her book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, author Jessica Lahey discusses the importance of early and ongoing conversations with children. In her interview with the Center for Parent & Teen Communication, she says, “We need to have conversations from a very young age about health — things we take into our body and things we don’t:
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Why we spit out the toothpaste instead of swallowing it.
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Why Mommy’s name is written on the label for this drug, not Daddy’s name, or the child’s name, and why that is: This drug is specifically for Mommy’s height and weight and disease and the way her body works and not for someone else.
A parent who’s had that conversation about prescription bottles will be a lot more likely to have that secondary conversation later on about why the opiates in the medicine cabinet are off-limits. And I promise these conversations get easier the more often we have them.” The full interview includes so many great tips.
Meet them where they are
If you are looking for a practical age-appropriate guide, The Partnership to End Addiction shares everyday scenarios that provide natural opportunities to discuss with kids the difference between healthy and unhealthy choices. They highlight prevention tips with scenarios and scripts for the following age groups:
Do it with style
How you say it matters, too, especially in difficult conversations with teens and adolescents.
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Come from a place of compassion.
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Keep it short, calm, and direct.
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State your expectations clearly.
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Prepare them for peer pressure and internal pressure to fit in. "What would you say if..." or "What is your plan if people are using...".
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Correct misinformation and incorrect assumptions in a calm, neutral tone.
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If they are not feeling conversational, start with an open-ended question (yes/no answers don't tell you much).
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Once they are talking, be quiet and try to listen non-judgmentally, so you can absorb everything they share.
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If the news is upsetting, keep your face neutral, and don't overreact. Regulate your breathing and relax. Thank them for talking to you and let them know you want that to continue. If you can't keep your cool in the moment, tell them you need a few minutes to process what they have told you and you will continue the conversation later. Take just long enough to regain your composure, don't let them stew.
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Remind them that you love them and nothing will ever change that.
Walk this way
Lastly, but maybe most importantly: let your kids see you make healthy choices, and explain why you make them. As your child grows up, what you have discussed throughout their childhood will become their "normal" and the behavior you model is a likely predictor of how they will behave later in life.