Bring on the Boredom!

“Protective factors are conditions or attributes in individuals, families, and communities that promote the health and well-being of children and families.” - ChildWelfare.gov

By WHEN member Dana Buccieri, MEd

If the title for this portion of our July newsletter sounds like it should be a parental theme song for you during the dreaded days of summer (when you are feeling like the CEO of entertainment in your household!), then this is for you.

Believe it or not, less can be more! Often, we view the free days of summer as a major dilemma that needs to be solved. The feeling of responsibility it invokes comes up immediately for me when I think back to my kids' younger years when they woke up each summer morning and said, “What are we going to do today, mom?” Making the days structured, special, eventful and busy made me feel like a camp counselor in my own home. Little did I know about the benefits of boredom.​

When children are being creative they are directing their own destiny for that moment; they are being intentional in what they are doing and actually managing themselves. As parents, we are always looking for how we can foster self-esteem and have our children be self-reliant. If we are constantly structuring our children’s lives for them, we are actually taking away opportunities for them to develop independence and agency over their own happiness. 

In fact, boredom helps kids develop valuable skills, says clinical psychologist Stephanie Lee, PsyD. For starters, it helps kids build tolerance of less-than-ideal experiences. “Boredom might not be super distressing,” she explains, “but it’s not fun. Life requires us to manage our frustrations and regulate our emotions when things aren’t going our way, and boredom is a great way to teach that skill.” - Child Mind Institute writer Gia Miller, The Benefits of Boredom

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We have developed into a society that leans too much on immediate gratification versus tolerance. Our parenting mindsets have  been about our kids suffering less by meeting their needs in quick, superheroic fashion. However, we need to prepare our children for the unknowns of tomorrow, to be resilient in falling, and learn from life’s challenges. Who knew it could be as simple as allowing them to be bored.

Creativity, confidence, problem solving, and self-reliance are universal character traits we all strive for in developing our children. To prepare for the pressure you may feel in helping them embrace the boredom, set aside some time with your children to create a list of activities that they enjoy. Ideally, this list would involve input from both of you, things that have always sparked their passions, along with new things they are interested in learning. Then they can refer to the list when boredom begins, versus always coming to you.

And remember, it is perfectly fine to help them begin to be ok with boredom. We all can use some hand holding especially when we might be trying something that is new. The goal here would be to wean them off of leaning on you as their entertainer and always needing your undivided attention. If you help them respond to boredom as an exciting opportunity, it will benefit you and your children; it will give you a break, allow for them to gain skills and eventually they will become the boss of their boredom!